Paigerella is Cool

My littlest sister, Paige, sent me an e-mail a few weeks ago asking me if I'd ever heard of a site called pandora.com? No. It's a radio station, of sorts. You enter a song or an artist and the internet elves line up your own personal play list based on that one band or song. For half an hour. THEN they tell you that to continue listening, you must create an account. Create an account. Those internet elves sure are clever. They hook you and then they gotcha. It's not really a big deal. All it wanted was the basics and not any of that pleaselistyourinterestsandhobbies crap. But then. I am listening to a song that I like. I don't know who it is and I it is behind the web page that I am reading, so I click on it but accidentally close it. I don't get to find out who or what it was. boo hoo hoo me.

All of that is to say that Paige is cool. I mean, REALLY cool. Paige spent most of her school life in Southern Idaho. Went to Jr. and High School in a rural area called Filer. Close to the big city of Twin Falls. Population 25,000-ish. Perhaps more, by now. But not by much. Lots of corporate chain fast food joints. Big excitement when the Olive Garden opened. Love it, though. Twin, not the Olive Garden. It's just a small town, really. And I love to visit my mom and Paige and have a truly relaxing time with them. Anyhoo. This is all leading to Paige's musical tastes. Being in a small community with not much in the way of choice when it came to music, she had what I would describe as fairly bad taste in music. According to me and my o-so-vast knowledge in the music world. heh heh heh. Really, though. She went through a phase where she listened to what is called country music but sounds like so-so rock and roll with a twang and more lyrics about crying into a bottle a' Bud. Not the Patsy Cline, Hank Williams, Willie Nelson, Whalen' Jennings kind. I thought she was lost, for sure.

From no where, a couple of years ago, I get an e-mail from my baby sis asking me if I like a band called Bright Eyes? And how about The Decemberists? Have I ever heard of Death Cab for Cutie?

Truth. Tim McGraw to Death Cab. Just like that. Suddenly, she's making mix cd's for me with all of these great bands. Many that I've never heard of. SHE'S the one introducing ME to music. She's laughing at the mainstream radio stations playing Modest Mouse. Paige is cool.

Read the Directions

Remember that day in grade school when your teacher handed you a pop quiz and says, very explicitly, to read and follow the directions? So you sit at your desk, see that there are directions, but proceed to write your name, the date and then speed through the quiz because it's kind of easy. And you are a little surprised, but, what the hey? Easy A. You notice a couple of kids get up right away and hand in the quiz, which is a bit disconcerting. Are they so fast? Or, are was it--and how could it be--too hard? Never mind. Finish in record time, proudly walk the test up to the teacher's desk where she gives you an "F" and asks you to take it back to your seat and go over the directions again. She didn't even LOOK at the answers. Back at your seat, you take the time to actually read the directions. They say, "Write your name in the space provided and return to Mrs. Soandsos desk."

DUH!!!!

Last night, I came home from work and, after a little snack of brown rice styrofoam cakes with almond butter, I began to prepare my dinner. So glad that I didn't have to go to the store. I was even being creative. Chicken breast that I'd taken out of the freezer to thaw, fennel, yellow pepper, shalots and a nectarine. Yum. Beautiful red rice on the stove to boil (it's this gorgeous brick red color and really nutty. I believe it comes from Thailand. Love it.) and soon, I have a pretty nice dinner all ready to eat. Yum. Even remembered to drink my mediclear apperitif. Still better, leftovers for lunch, tomorrow.

This morning I am looking over my mediclear instructions, because I like to refresh my memory now and again. CRAP!!! Yesterday was the start of the week where I eliminate ALL meat. I'd had it in my head, for some reason that it was just fish that I wasn't allowed to eat. NO MEAT. crap. Then, ready to eat my gluten free, wheat free waffle with almond butter, I take a gander at the list of ingredients. Double crap. Made with soy flour, though it is last on the list of ingredients...as if that makes it alright. I ate them all last week. This cleanse is a no soy in your diet kinda cleanse. Well, I think, at least it was only a few days during the first week. Four days of it, to be exact.

I'm not starting over or calling myself a failure with it. But here I am, back in grade school thinking I've done so well, and really, I didn't get it at all. Didn't read the directions closely. Assumed I knew what was going on and what ingredients were in my food.

I have been told, by some people I know who have done a detox or this mediclear cleanse, that they'd experienced some heightened emotional breakdowns during the process. Was it something that I found happening to me? Well, not in a strict sense. And I have had a couple of instances of what I like to call "Mediclear Meltdown" when faced with no prospects in the food world. Sandwich counter episode, eating there with a friend, where they only had a spoonful of the lentil soup and charged $4 for a couple of slices of turkey--since that was all I could have after the lentil soup was nonexistent. The stuffed grape leaf that was supposed to have ONLY rice and herbs and really had rice, herbs and bulgar wheat. This morning, when I realized I'll be eating styrofoam cakes for lunch. Yeah. I've wanted to cry. I've felt emotionally vulnerable and forlorn. Is that what they mean?

11 Days and I'm Still Alive

Yup. This would be day number eleven. No caffeine. No wheat. No dairy. No sugar (of the refined type. Natural fruit sugar is okay. Thank goodness the peaches and nectarines are in season!). It was tough, I didn't know if I could do it, and then, suddenly I was. I am. Even getting used to the taste of green tea and, dare I say, LIKING it. Crazy, no? But enough about that.

Also getting everything in place to begin applying to graduate schools. I have found 5 programs that seem like a good match. (And not just because I won't have to take the GRE.) They all cost about the same--too much, and I'm not going to worry about that--have 100% online programs and have been highly regarded by the ALA. (That's the American Library Association, kiddies.) Can you believe it? Me, a librarian. Who, hopefully, can continue to work as an actor, even if it is for fringe productions of HIGH quality--please, please, please--from time to time. Not quite ready to give that up. Though, definitely ready to do something with me brains and school.

Having announced to just about everyone I know that these are my plans, I sure hope I don't have to announce to same everyones that I was not accepted into any of the schools. I know it's lame to care, but I care. About getting into a school, yes. AND about having to admit that I failed. That I wasn't distance learning grad school material. (Yes, it is true. I am putting restricitions on how I will go to school. But I don't want to move. I like it here.) There is a part of me that wishes I hadn't said anything to most people and then I could surprise them with the news of "I'm going to grad school!". However, I find that I feel more motivated to get my ducks in a row in a timely manner BECAUSE I have been so free with the sharing of my plans. See? Goods and Bads.

Day One

For the next few weeks, I am to go off of caffeine, dairy and wheat. I am trying to ease the angry skin on my face. Rosacea, it is called. Somedays you'd hardly notice it, and others my cheeks are so red and enflamed that I can't believe people don't turn away in horror. Well, according to those around me, it is not as bad as I think it is. Still, it is that bad, and worse, in my head. So, I have started acupuncture. Never done it before. Along with the needles, I get some Chinese herbs. While taking these herbs, I am to refrain from endulging in the three types of food that I like best. Coffee is a type of food, yes?

Today is day one. Let's just say that I am having trouble typing. I look like someone punched me in the eyes--though, to be fair, that could be attributed to my late night movie watching and early morning rising. Regardless, I am experiencing the painful withdrawls of caffeine and it ain't purty. Plus, someone's LOUD cell phone ring just went off and I am at the LIBRARY! She is at the table behind me. And she is TALKING on her phone! Excuse me, where are the librarians with the big "SHHHHHH", glowering above her with finger to lips? I want some coffee.

Does decaf count? Part of loving coffee is the taste, the smell, the feel of the warm cup in my hands. It is comfort. It is relaxation.

I am dull. Heavy. Green tea does not cut it.