Karma Chameloen II, sigh

I’m still on the Karma question.  I guess it’s not a proper noun, though, so I don’t have to capitalize it.  Only, it’s one of those words, like “Time” when used by poets of yesteryear and Shakespeare.  Well, since it’s such a hot topic for me, and since I’m completely obsessed with it today, it’s getting the capital “K” treatment.  

I have more to add, because I had the good fortune to talk to a Buddhist about Karma, yesterday afternoon.  Someone I met, recently, who I didn’t know was a Buddhist.  It just hadn’t come up.  He agreed with my assessment on the whole “Karma’s a bitch” deal.  And, more importantly, reminded me that what occurs in this lifetime is the Karmic happenings of your actions in your past lifetime(s), the one(s) that you don’t remember.  

O.

This made me cry.  It makes me cry, now; and if I can’t get past it is going to become yet another ugly monster of despair for me to wallow in whenever I am feeling particularly blue or wronged in life.  

I started to think about my family.  The death of my little sister, Dana.  The Jerkiness of my Father.  My little brother over in Iraq.  These painful, scary events in our lives—according to my new-ish understanding of reincarnation and all the Karma that goes with it, we actually did something to warrant these events.  What horrific act did we participate in to have to lose such a lovely, vibrant sister?  It’s overwhelming and I haven’t the writerly skills to express what a heavy burden I felt, feel, contemplating the possibilities of this.  

The Buddhist also reminded me--and I haven’t been able to get to this point, yet—that the purpose of this life is not to dwell on what wrongs you may have committed in the past, but to live your life in such a way as to not cause harm to others or yourself.  And to do this because you want to, not because you think it’ll make it better for you later.  Tragedy is to be embraced.  (I wish I could recall his words, exactly, because he put it very well.)  You embrace it because it is an opportunity for you to learn and grow from the experience, meanwhile not discounting the grieving or the difficulty of the tragedy.  

This is all very general, I know.  I probably shouldn’t even be writing about it, because I might be giving a misconstrued impression.  I don’t fully understand this system of beliefs.  I know very little of it.  I don’t even know if I subscribe to it.  I can understand how non productive it is to go around feeling responsible for Dana’s death in a Karmic sense.  A downward spiral that can only lead to ugliness, really.  Dana knew we loved her.  And, if she’s a spirit somewhere, or another being or just dust particles in the atmosphere, she knows we love her and miss her.    

For my family I wish us goodness and love.  It seems like we’re on the right path—except that Father guy, he done gone wrong—and perhaps in our next life together, we will bring this goodness and love with us and it will expand beyond us forever into every life after.